Yesterday, I was in no way trying to blot out wonderful memories nor squelch the reminiscence of holidays past that many people cherish. I was raised by a Polish-Catholic father and a Japanese-Buddhist mother so you can imagine how strange this time of year played out for my family. My childhood era was when track housing was in, bilingual children lied about it and anything other than bologna sandwiches for school lunches wasn't considered international fare, it was considered 'freak food' in a bag. Despite all that, I have grown to love this time of year.
For today's agenda, being that it is Saturday, I rallied my family for Christmas decorating duty. My husband sat at the computer to check the local tree farm prices and I sat in bed drinking a Mexican Mocha while reading, "The Big Short" to rev my internal engine. I hadn't had caffeine in a week so the double shot acted like an electrical charge that 20 minutes later shot me out of bed like a cannonball.
In my enthusiasm to get the tree, I couldn't wait to get out the door. No takers, other than my husband. Great success at the local DIY box down the street. We had a tree strapped to the car, extra greens I was able to stuff into the trunk free of charge and within 30 minutes of our search for the perfect Tannenbaum, we were home. I didn't mention to the kids that we grabbed the first tree we touched, but it really was a perfect specimen. At $28.95 it was also much more attractive than the $60.00 U-Cut an hour's drive away. My kids were relieved that they wouldn't be dragged south, required to smile into a camera while stomping around the hills of Los Gatos looking for Christmas on a stick.
I left it to my 16-year-old daughter to decide when we were going to decorate the house and tree for Christmas. She was being so incredibly uncooperative about having anything to do with Christmas decorations that I decided to give her some decision making power. "As soon as we get home from lunch, before your brother goes to youth group or after he gets back. Which one?" After some internal deliberation she decided 5:00p.m. worked and so it was. Every year, as a family, we have decorated our home for Christmas. Every year except for the past five years that is, but I won't get into that right now. For 20 years, it is something we've done and there is a type of, how would one say, 'comfort expectation?' about certain traditions.
Growing up in as a child in my family, our tradition was to not have any. A pretty uneventful way to observe markers in time. One birthday was like any other. Every Christmas a strain because I wanted at least a tree and no one else cared. When I married I had decided, 'come hell or high water' we were going to have some traditions in MY family. But there was one thing that came about which was wise and I can take no credit for.
There have been certain traditions that for the most part we have maintained and kept as a family but what we have been graciously kept away from is what I term militancy. There were five years that we missed decorating our home as a family for Christmas. Four years due to living overseas and traveling other countries during the weeks of Christmas and New Year's. Last year, after returning to the States, our lives were just too upside down to organize the four of us to enjoy a day of decorating. So, by not forcing upon ourselves the requirement or obligation or robotic yearly ritual, we were spared guilt, loss or worse, being forced into doing something that didn't make any sense or bring one spot of joy into any of our lives. I've seen traditions rip families apart because "it's tradition damn it!" and it's not about building anything other than militant behaviour and angst. So the years that we have missed a tradition have been just that. We soldiered on.
There were other things that superseded the tradition, it wasn't that one of us (or all of us) were trying to circumvent the activity. It was more important to consider loving someone, rather than bowing to tradition. I've learned to try and repeat what I love but more importantly, love others repeatedly.